all so appropriate seeing as I am furious!
I literally debated strangling my boyfriend today.
seriously? but this wasn't a crazy paranoia thing. he deserves it.
That anger has gotten me nowhere tho
just... angry.
I am not sure what comes next.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Apollo
The God of music, light, knowledge, arts, healing, plague, and darkness.
I made a difficult decision today. I need to see someone. With this new job I need to focus and realize my full potential.
I was told today by someone that I "have intense passion for doing things to the best of my abilities" I am glad to hear this. regardless of the fact that most of this comes from my passion to be obsessive. I am terrified of failure.
I must take this time to be positive and realize that I am a good person. I need to believe in myself.
I am so scared to see it all change. I will miss the customers here but I will meet new people and I CAN be happy.
I MUST be happy.
Healing.
Apollo, the god of healing.
feared and loved.
I think he embodies healing well. I am scared of this journey I must take, but so grateful for the chance to be well again. I to feel human again. I want to walk around and not feel like a freak.
I made a difficult decision today. I need to see someone. With this new job I need to focus and realize my full potential.
I was told today by someone that I "have intense passion for doing things to the best of my abilities" I am glad to hear this. regardless of the fact that most of this comes from my passion to be obsessive. I am terrified of failure.
I must take this time to be positive and realize that I am a good person. I need to believe in myself.
I am so scared to see it all change. I will miss the customers here but I will meet new people and I CAN be happy.
I MUST be happy.
Healing.
Apollo, the god of healing.
feared and loved.
I think he embodies healing well. I am scared of this journey I must take, but so grateful for the chance to be well again. I to feel human again. I want to walk around and not feel like a freak.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The explaination
I feel crazy. like all the time.
more crazy than I can verbally admit. My paranoia causes me to believe things that do not exist or that are obscene. I read too far into every situation and make a mess of my life.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who does all he can to understand me. I just feel like I don't even understand myself.
I got a job offer today. I am terrified. I cannot stand meeting new people. I have been stuck for a long time in jobs that don't pay well or that I hate because I cannot push myself to move on. What if I fail? yes, this is a normal concern, of everyone. for me, this means I will make myself fail, I will do anything to be sure something goes wrong. I am scared. What happens when I get confused, What happens if this is too much stress. What if I cannot get past these thoughts?
What if I am crazy?
I am depressed. no, not sad. Depressed.
I seem normal so far, I will open up more.... one day.
more crazy than I can verbally admit. My paranoia causes me to believe things that do not exist or that are obscene. I read too far into every situation and make a mess of my life.
I have a wonderful boyfriend who does all he can to understand me. I just feel like I don't even understand myself.
I got a job offer today. I am terrified. I cannot stand meeting new people. I have been stuck for a long time in jobs that don't pay well or that I hate because I cannot push myself to move on. What if I fail? yes, this is a normal concern, of everyone. for me, this means I will make myself fail, I will do anything to be sure something goes wrong. I am scared. What happens when I get confused, What happens if this is too much stress. What if I cannot get past these thoughts?
What if I am crazy?
I am depressed. no, not sad. Depressed.
I seem normal so far, I will open up more.... one day.
Dionysus
Dionysus is described as the Greek God of chaos. Chaos is described as the nothingness from which all else sprang.
This blog is about me.
My good friend is going through a troubled time and he has opened up a lot in his blog. I feel as though being off of my medication and no longer seeing someone for my issues I can explain myself using the blog. Release all these thoughts that run through my head.
I expect no judgement. I realize the things I say may not make sense to you but they are relevant. I have dealt with major depressive disorder, paranoia, anxiety disorder and self- injury for many years now. I am ready to explain it.
This blog is about me.
My good friend is going through a troubled time and he has opened up a lot in his blog. I feel as though being off of my medication and no longer seeing someone for my issues I can explain myself using the blog. Release all these thoughts that run through my head.
I expect no judgement. I realize the things I say may not make sense to you but they are relevant. I have dealt with major depressive disorder, paranoia, anxiety disorder and self- injury for many years now. I am ready to explain it.
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